Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
