dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
