i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Mom said you looked used
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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