he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
