he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
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you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this boner is exhausting
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can you bring me the toilet please
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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