I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
