well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
