I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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