so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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