we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think your dad took our porno
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
