Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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