I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
