yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Bring me that man meat
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
