o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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