Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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