Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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