Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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