Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
