I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
