Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
