Don't you send me to vm
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
