but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
