i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
