Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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