Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
