I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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