she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
