Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
