Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
