debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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