If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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