Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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