dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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