hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
