that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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