love makes seman taste better
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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