Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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