What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
