hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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