What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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