Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
