i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
