we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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