Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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