Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
