Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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