The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
