i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
