nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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