I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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