Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
