Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
