I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
