Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
