no, he came in my armpit
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The uberlube is also flammable
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
