dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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