Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
