...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
