What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
