Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
