One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
