There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
