I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
