separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
