guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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