happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
