Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
