he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
