While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
