I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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