did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
