ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
