I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
