Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
