It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
